LIFE IS HARD. We will all face hardships, obstacles, adversity, changes and challenges whether we like it or not. But my own hard has taught me so much about life and living. My own hard has been the greatest teacher in my life. These lessons I have learned by facing my own hard in life are what allows me to continue to thrive even in the midst of my hard.
Every struggle in my life taught me something so valuable and made me even stronger. I never let fear, failure or tough times stop me from moving forward and creating a life I love. I’ve seen pain. I’ve felt it. I’ve fallen to my knees, prayed, asked why and cried more than I thought was possible. But I truly believe that each struggle and hard prepared me for the next. It may not have been easy to see that at the time, but I see it now.
“Adversity is a natural part of being human. Things do fall apart. It is in their nature to do so. When we try to protect ourselves from the inevitability of change, we are not listening to the soul. We are listening to our fear of life and death, our lack of faith, our smaller ego’s will to prevail. To listen to your soul is to stop fighting with life—to stop fighting when things fall apart; when they don’t go our away, when we get sick, when we are betrayed or mistreated or misunderstood. To listen to the soul is to slow down, to feel deeply, to see ourselves clearly, to surrender to discomfort and uncertainty and to wait.”
–Elizbeth Lesser, Broken Open
We must learn to stop fighting with life. To accept what is. To feel deeply. To grow. To heal. To find the lesson. That’s the only way we can move forward after our hard in life. To realize that change and hard is a certainty in life. But that growth and learning the lessons they are meant to teach you are optional. The choice on whether you learn the lessons is up to you.
Here are a few of my hards and what they each taught me. I hope they help you as well.
Hard: Not making the middle school cheerleading squad when all of my friends did make it. And instead I became the school mascot – an Indian. This may not seem like that big of a deal, but to a middle school girl, this was everything.
Lesson: Accept what is but never stop following your dreams. I was the best damn Indian ever. But I also never gave up my dream of being a cheerleader. I practiced and practiced. I never quit. And then was one of the very few Freshmen to make the Varsity cheer squad at our school, which was a very big deal the time.
Hard: My high school guidance counselor telling me I wasn’t “college material” even though I was on the honor roll and excelled in school. She labeled me – because no one in my family had been to college.
Lesson: There always be those that tell you that you can’t, or you aren’t smart enough, or good enough. You have a choice. I chose to ignore her and go to college. And then to law school. I also sent her an invite to my law school graduation. She didn’t come but I think I made my point.
Hard: Losing the student body president vote by less than 15 votes in college.
Lesson: Even when you lose, you win sometimes. I lost to the president of NORML (a student group supporting the legalization of marijuana). I was devastated. But, I lost with grace and went on to do many other great things my last year of college. I also realized that every vote counts. My boyfriend turned wasband didn’t vote for me and neither did some of his friends because they assumed I would win. That was my 15 votes. Perhaps that should’ve been a sign.
Hard: Having a law partner at the big law firm where I worked out of law school telling me to get used to not eating dinner with my family.
Lesson: Never lose sight of your priorities and your why in life. I thought to myself the day he told me that: “That is your choice you grumpy old man, but it won’t be mine.” Not long after that, I left the big firm and went to work for the Mayor of Kansas City in a job I loved and one in which I continued to keep my values and life priorities in line.
Hard: Having to deliver Brandon without a freaking epidural. After being in labor for over twelve hours.
Lesson: I am way tougher than I thought.
Hard: Not getting to hold Brandon for two days after he was born.
Lesson: Sometimes the lows make the highs even sweeter. I can still remember every detail of holding him that first time. His smell. His skin on my skin. All of it. I appreciated it perhaps more because of the situation.
Hard: Leaving the hospital without Brandon while he was in the NICU.
Lesson: Let the experts do their work. Get your rest when you need it. And pray. A lot. And ask others to pray.
Hard: Dealing with breast cancer at the age of 30 while trying to work and raise a 2 year old.
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Lesson: Life is going to throw us a lot of shit in our lives. How we handle it is up to us. Cancer was tough. But I was tougher. I learned that life is short and that tomorrow is never guaranteed so we better make TODAY count. So many more lessons here – so much so that I wrote a book about it.
Hard: Being rejected by dozens of publishers for our book Nordie’s at Noon.
Lesson: Never stop chasing your dreams. Yes, we had lots of no’s along the way. But we also had some yes’s. Both from agents and publishers. Which allowed us to eventually reach more with our message. Never Give Up On Your Dreams. We knew we had a story that could help others. We believed. And after dozens of rejections (including this one which stated: “I don’t see this becoming a full book), lots of hard work, tears and laughs, along the way, firing an agent and initially self-publishing to then be picked up by a national publisher with a book tour and national media including People Magazine and the New York Times, we made our dreams come true. We never stopped chasing our dream. And you shouldn’t either – even when others tell you it’s a bad idea, or there isn’t a market for it.
Hard: Quitting my six figure job to go follow my dreams of opening my own business – with no clients. I was told by many I was crazy.
Lesson: Follow your dreams. Do what you need and want to do in life. Don’t let others dictate your future and your happiness. By year 2, my business was thriving and I never looked back. I was able to work only for people or things I believed in.
Hard: Being told by the good old boys that I should be careful if I was going to be a political consultant because other would cut me off at my knees and perhaps I should do something else.
Lesson: Do your work. Do it well. Don’t listen to the haters and the bullies. And things will fall into place. I was a very successful political consultant.
Hard: Losing so many friends and family to cancer.
Lesson: First, cancer sucks. Second, there is no rhyme or reason to it. Third, I will continue to fight for a cure. Fourth, I still miss Jana, Patti and my Aunt Barbara. But their legacies live on in those they left behind.
Hard: Going through a rough divorce where my wasband left me for my ex-friend.
Lesson: All of the other lessons in my life prepared me for this doozy. So many lessons here too. They always say God won’t give you more than you can handle. I just wish that sometimes he didn’t trust me so much. I learned through this experience that I am stronger than I ever thought. I learned who I really was. And who those around me were. I learned that I get to create my future and can reinvent myself. I learned that things aren’t always what they appear. I learned that people will lie, cheat and hurt you – but that you can’t control them and their actions – you can only control yours. I learned to rise above my hard.
Hard: Learning to trust and love again after a broken heart.
Lesson: After hurt and betrayal, we have to be willing to take risks and open our hearts again. I am so glad I did. Jason did too. Him after losing Sarah and me after having my heart broken. I’ve also learned that blending while mending is hard – a divorcee and a widower – and that blending families is really freaking hard, but in the end, it’s so worth it.
Life is going to hand us hard. Life is going to serve up some unexpected shit. Life is going to fall apart sometimes. But the beauty is that we can piece it back together and it can be even more beautiful than ever before. We can rise above our hard. So when things don’t work out, don’t quit. Don’t ever give up. Grit up, but do not give up. Find your grace, your grit and your gratitude. And realize that your hard may teach you the greatest lessons if you allow them to.
Continue to look forward, live fully and create a life you freaking LOVE no matter what!
Big Love,
Kim
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